Autumn Friendships
Leaves might be falling, but autumn is the perfect time for school-children to start sowing the seeds of life-long friendships, writes Domhnall O’Donoghue
Isn’t it funny how our perception of the seasons change at different stages of our lives? Today, as a 38-year-old, I picture Mother Nature unwinding during autumn. The trees, having tired of their verdant green leaves, waste no time in exchanging their foliage for pops of red and orange instead. Nights become longer at the expense of day while the temperatures begin to cool.
However, as a child, I never saw autumn as a time to slow down or hibernate - the complete opposite, in fact. September 1 was once the date every Irish pupil and student associated with the start of the new school year - a time for us to upskill, expand our knowledge and flourish. Being the youngest of four, I could barely wait until my first day in playschool. Yes, the expected tears arrived - but they were tears of joy. While I was just three years of age, being in school like my older brothers and sister meant that I felt like the biggest boy in the world!
My play-school was located in Navan’s Banba Hall, which overlooked Saint Mary’s, arguably the town’s most prized treasure. The impressive 19th-century church is said to have been modelled on a Parisian opera house, so our proximity to the building was fitting considering my class’ high-pitched tones and often dramatic tendencies! Our teacher was Bean Tóibín, and we mostly spent our days playing games or learning words as Gaeilge. But there was another language that my younger self excelled in - the language of love!
The object of my affections was Ruth Keane, and the first thing I noticed was her funky, blonde pigtails, so high, they nearly touched the ceiling. Dressed in a tracksuit - her favourite attire in those early years - this young lady had come prepared for fun and frolics. Whether it was building towers from wooden blocks, dancing to Hócaí Pócaí or singing ‘An Mairdrín Rua’, Ruth was ready to play - and I was smitten! Outside the hall, the leaves fell; inside, our friendship blossomed.
They say opposites attract, and that was certainly the case for Ruth and me. She excelled in sport, later becoming the Leinster champion in swimming, while I gravitated towards drama. But our shared love for divilment soon turned us into a two-person army.
A couple of years later in Scoil Éanna - our primary school, then nestled behind the town’s famous shopping centre - I wrote her a four-word note and placed it on top of her Gafa le Mata maths book.
It read: ‘Will you marry me?’
Domhnall and Ruth communion and confirmation days
Below my bold proposal were two boxes - one for ‘yes’, the other for ‘no’. I held my breath. Minutes later, I received her response - yes! We were engaged! However, being a Gemini, Ruth changed her mind several times over the coming days. Weary and heartbroken, my six-year-old self eventually suggested that rather than becoming husband and wife, we settle for best friends instead. She agreed, and 35 years after first meeting on that crisp autumn morning, we have remained true to that promise.
So much of our long friendship is connected to funny, joyous events - some too mischievous to repeat here - but it’s those difficult, life-changing situations that have truly cemented our lifelong bond. It’s easy to be around when the Champagne is flowing, but it’s during those challenging and vulnerable moments when a person’s true character is revealed.
When my sister, Deirdre, suddenly died this summer after a short illness, the first person I called for support was Ruth. During those horrid and oppressive weeks that followed, her kindness and empathy proved invaluable to my family and me.
More positively, next year, I will have the honour of walking Ruth down the aisle when she marries David, the love of her life (excluding me, of course!) Their eldest child, Frankie, is currently having a blast in Scoil Éanna’s naíonra. Ruth and I are hoping that she, too, will soon meet her best friend - someone with whom she can enjoy a lifetime of exciting adventures and memories. Someone, she can depend on when the going gets tough, as it invariably does.
While Mother Nature uses autumn as a time to catch her breath, I will always see it as the perfect opportunity for young children across the country to sow the seeds of long-lasting allegiances, just as Ruth and I did in 1986.
As the rhyme goes: ‘There are tall ships and small ships and ships that sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships like the one between you and me.’