Mum of the Month - Joanne Payne

Joanne Payne is the matriarch of a family with an incredible five generations of women ranging from her 102 year old grandmother to her three month old grand daughter. Our inspirational mum of the month lives with terminal cancer and is the glue that holds the family together.

Let’s start with the numbers. Joanne Payne is 53. Her grandmother, Elizabeth Jess, is the grand age of 102 while her mother, Joan Payne is 78. Joanne's daughter, Chelsea Hine is 23s old and she gave birth to Isla Sara on July29. That’s five generations of women all alive and kicking.

Sadly, the matriarch, Joanne Payne lives with terminal cancer and has been on a cancer journey since she was first diagnosed shortly after her daughter Chelsea was born. Joanne first had a hysterectomy and later, her bowel removed so she uses a stoma bag. She now has an inoperable tumour that sits on a major artery in her pelvis but remains hopeful of a medicinal miracle the family live in Lisburn where Joanne works in the library at South Eastern Regional College.

She used the Covid-imposed restrictions to study for a City & Guilds recognised level VI degree where life skills are assessed and measured against certain standards. Joanne did the course “to keep her brain busy during the lockdown”.

As a single mother to Chelsea and an older son, Jordon, (26), Joanne explains what it's like to beat the odds and why being a mum means so much to her. “I was told that I'd never have kids. I was going to go through fertility treatment but when I went to get it, I discovered that I was pregnant. I had my son Jordon and they told me to throw away my contraceptives because I wouldn't get pregnant again. Three years later, I was pregnant with Chelsea. I count myself very, very lucky,” she says.

Joanne refuses to let the fact that she has a stoma bag make her feel less attractive or womanly and is a member of a support group for stoma users. Through that group, she met both men and women and has even modelled specialist underwear for women with stoma bags.

“Having cancer isn't easy but I've met so many amazing people because of it, including a girl called Nicola Dames. She had a stoma as well and she found that there was no nice or sexy underwear for people with stomas so she set up her own company, Vanilla Blush. I've modelled for her. We did a swimwear and underwear shoot in the middle of Dublin.

We were men and woman of all shapes and sizes, not just young, sexy people. We were standing in the middle of the road, stopping traffic! It was hilarious.

But I wouldn't have met all those people or had those experiences if I didn't have cancer. ¬ There's always a silver lining for me. If you look hard enough, you'll find something good from something bad... and that's the silver lining.

“The cancer doesn't hold me back. If something can't be done, then I'll find a way that I can do it. I get on with things. My GP did say to me once that if he could bottle my attitude, he could throw away his prescription pad.

In 2007, I was on holiday in Tenerife and I had a magnesium drip that I had to put up for ten hours. That didn't stop me, I had a drip strapped to my leg. They called me Laura Croft because I had a backpack on me wherever I went.

I don't care what anyone else thinks or says. There's always a way around things.

My colleagues in work have been amazing, they've gone through this cancer with me. I've been given a promotion and they've been really supportive, treating me the same as anyone else.”

“The doctors can't treat my cancer at the moment, but there's always hope.

You never know what's going to happen next. I feel great at the moment. Don't get me wrong – I do have my bad days.

Little Isla, my grand daughter, keeps me going. My children have always kept me going. I always thought that I didn't want my kids to have a sick mummy. Even when I wasn't feeling good, I just got up and got on with it. Isla and Chelsea live at home with me so it's great having them here with me. There's just the three of us women in the house together, three strong women! Not a man amongst us!

It was a lot easier to do this on my own because I didn't have to run everything past a partner. I didn't have to argue my case with anyone, it was my way of doing things. Being a single parent isn't easy but I found it was a lot easier to be on my own.”

What advice would you give your daughter Chelsea, who's now a young mum?

“I would say to her to believe in herself. You can do this, you can do whatever you want to do. I'd tell her to put Isla first, that she can do this on her own. A man is a bonus. Don't let anyone hold you back. Just go for it and follow your dreams.

Believe in yourself.

What did you learn from your own mother, Joan? What advice did she give you?

“I learned how to be stubborn from my mother and that if there's something that you want, to just go for it. Don't let anyone put you off. Don't let anyone stand in your way, just go for it and get there. Even if you fail, you pick yourself up and start again. My mother is stubborn and my own granny, Elizabeth, is very independent. She's 102 and lives on her own without any carers. She's very strong and independent. I've picked up those traits, I'm very independent.

I've had two husbands in my time, but I've spent a lot of time on my own. Both husbands left me because of the cancer, they couldn't cope. I always said that I made a better mum than a wife and that motherhood is something that I'm very proud of. My kids have done really well and I'm really proud of them, I did it on my own. Being a mum has meant more to me than anything else. And because of my cancer, I never thought that I'd be around long enough to be a grandmother. I'm over the moon, she's a wee ray of sunshine!”

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